Saturday, April 05, 2008

Of Pain, Suffering and Porn

An insane individual is sitting on the curb of a busy sidewalk stirring a bucket of shit vigorously with a stick. A lawyer walks by and asks, "What are you doing there?" The insane man replies, "Making a lawyer". The lawyer sulks off and tells a street corner cop what had happened. Later, a doctor walks by the insane man and asks, "Sir, what are you doing with that bucket of shit?"
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"Making a doctor," the insane man exclaims. The doctor also goes to the street corner cop to report this. Finally, an electrician does the same and gets the same reply, and goes to the cop to complain. The cop has had enough and walks up behind the insane man who is busy bent over the bucket, still stirring it vigorously. "Son," the cop asks, "what are you doing there with that bucket of shit? Making a cop, huh?" the Insane man does not reply. "Well, what are you doing there?" The cop says exasperated. The Insane man says: "Ha ha, you thought that I was going to say making a cop, didn't you? But I can't make I cop out of this because...I'll need more shit."

And so the jokes went on last night, Seth, Daniel, Mike and myself, one after the other. Funny, my timing was way off, all of my jokes were corney. Can you believe that at one time I used to regale people with my witty jokes for hours. I used to be invited to parties to tell them and I used to fire them out with pinpoint accuracy, busting guts all over the place. Leaving people listening around me rolling on the floor laughing like victims in a gas attack. But that was a very long time ago. Further back than I care to remember. That was another life ago.

In this life, things are different. Things tend to be too serious to be funny. Comedy does not work anymore. Only situations. Speaking about situations, I spent the bulk of my day in the library, reading, studying and playing 2142. As night fell, I left the library with my brother and we headed to the food van on 23rd street. It was strange being back on the sidewalk of Madison Square Park, waiting in the dark for the Coalition for the Homeless food van. The skeksis were out, milling around in the dark, waiting also. I have to admit, we had timed it right because the wait was not long and in minutes I was on the food line, stepping up to have my plastic bag filled with two cups of soup, a bagel, two small milk cartons, two oranges, and a salad from PRET thrown in. It turned out to be a heavy bag. We then headed back uptown to the 36th street Starbucks to eat. We broke out the food and practically filled our little table with it. The staff did not care, it was not all that crowded there, and neither would it be. They seemed to be indifferent to our presence. I ate up anyway, and with the little time that I had left I jumped the subway back to the Box of Nuts where I didn't waste a whole lot of time before going to bed. I sat in the dark for awhile, telling jokes with Seth, Mike and Daniel.

We say goodnight to each other like the Waltons and I drift off to sleep (shame on you if you don't know who or what the Walton's is or was). In the morning my feet fail me in a ball of pain. Unbelievable pain. So much so that I can barely walk to the bathroom to take my morning piss. I limp like a octogenarian leaning on everything in my path until I reach the bowl. What the fuck is going on here? Was it from all the walking that I've been doing? Fuck! This shit actually hurt, like the sharp stabs of a knife right through the ankles. What the fuck was going on? In time though, by walking on them, I found that I could walk normally, that's after going through a great deal of suffering. I bring this up to my doctor upon seeing him and he advises me to lay off all of the walking I was doing until the pain subsides.

He also gave me some good news. My kidney functions were returning to just below normal. With the blood pressure under control the organs are snapping back to their normal ranges. High blood pressure can kill you as sure as shit. It's really not something to fuck with. In my thirties it nearly killed me...I will not give it a second chance at it.

I make it to the library after working on the Doctor's' computers for a little and set up to do the things that I do online. There wasn't much because now I go online as soon as I rise to check my email. But I still had things to do. Such as Hobobob U. I soon hop on a train home, early, so as to catch dinner at the shelter and check my feet. They were swollen and inflamed. It was as if my body was blowing up two balloons at my lower extremities. Great. I just hope that I can fit into my shoes tomorrow. I donned my slippers and walked about in those. I was tired and the constant doses of PSEUDOEPHEDRINE were no help. My sinuses were clear and I was no longer drowning in my own mucous, but the downside was that it made me drowsy. I walk about like a zombie, but even so, I will not lower my dosage simply because I like breathing. I'm addicted to it.

I get my meds from the non-nurse. One of the techs who is dispensing prepackaged meds and I wonder. The Nurse Practitioner here, Mr. Ahorn, who we lovingly call Asshole, proudly announced one time when I was standing in ear shot, that our meds were dispensed by LPNs, or registered nurses. Yeah, like Hell it is. My prepacked is never packed correctly, although today it is. Except that it's missing my PSEUDOEPHEDRINE. You've gotta give me that, I say. Go back and get it. I get my two little red pills along with the rest and swallow them eagerly.

It is a quiet night so I decide to write another review. There is no one in the dorm area, so I should have a few hours alone, right? Oh no. The minute that I pull out the first DVD does Matt come around and see it. "Oh shit man! You got another one!" He exclaims. That's when Long Tall Skinny and Ralphy walk in. Ralphy sits on his bed, as Long Tall Skinny comes and stands over me, peering at my laptop screen. "Can you find something to do?" I ask him. Just then does Mike walk up and see the box hidden at the side of my bed. "Hey can I see that he asks?" I hand it up to him. Matt tosses two dollars at me. "Here, this is for that one." He takes it from Mike and looks at it lovingly. "I want all that you have," he says. I nod. Long Tall Skinny takes the DVD to look at it. "But you can't have it now," I tell Matt. "I haven't written the review for it yet. You'll have to wait." "I know that," he says. "I'll wait."

Yes. He'll wait. They hover, having a conversation as to what is the better type of porn, the porn companies that make porn, the stars that are in porn. They want me in the conversation, when all I want is some quiet to start and finish this feature. I'm not going to get it. I pack up my gear and put away my baby. It is time for sleep. As I do so, the crowd disperses and I am once again left alone. I close my eyes. Maybe I'll get some of it done tomorrow if I have some peace and quiet.

Maybe.

Hobobob

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