Well, it's probably what is the healthiest thing there is. That's the left and right of the fucking thing. What is the thing that works my skirt, firstly I am morbidly afraid of being in crowds. Okay, I said it. I hate crowds and I hate being in the middle of a crowd. I feel like I'm going to die with hundreds of other unnamed nondescript bodies. I feel as if when I'm in a crowd something violent is going to happen and suddenly my arms, legs and head is torn apart in an instant, along with scores of others and then I am left on a battered pile of bodies and blood.
But that's beside the point. The thing that I hate is riding on the subway because it's a corpse transporter. I feel that something terribly wrong is going to happen in the subways and that I'll be a part of it, either that or walking on a crowded street. But that's also beside the point. I'm riding the subway and walking into the terminal I am shoulder to shoulder with my fellow corpses and I take the stairs down to the platform and there I wait with everyone else and no matter the time there are too many people. I am wound tight, seriously anxious and waiting like a late prom date until a train arrives.
And then, as the iron horse rumbles to a halt you can see through the windows scores of people packed so tightly that they should be copulating. The doors slide open and we do the penguin walk into the train car and nestle next to our fellow New Yorker only to come up against the worst thing in the world that I can think of. A fucking jerk with a ten speed bicycle.
Yeah, that's it. A packed train with some dumb fuck sitting there with a ten speed bicycle in front of him. No one or sometimes someone can sit next to him, because the fucking bike overlaps the seats. That's one reason why I hate them so. Secondly this fuck has to leave the train car with fucking multitudes in the way of the goddamn tires, handlebars and pedals acting as groping metal hands grabbing at anything and anyone in their path. Son of a bitch. It's a fucking bike. Its a transport on a transport. What the fuck is it doing on a train? Shouldn't you be riding it through the city? Isn't that why you took it out from your home in the first place?
I think if a cop sees you on the train with a damn bike your lame ass should get a summons. Simple as that. Bikes should not be allowed on the train. They are too fucking obnoxious and space hogging. And yet these useless motherfuckers continue to bring these things into the train at any time of the day, including the rush hour. The fucked up thing is, and I would love to see it, is to have a bike rider come lift their stupid bike over the turnstile only to be stopped and summons by a cop and sent back out. Not only does he have to pay a fine but also paid to ride the train and was denied.
I hate fucking bike riders on a train, but like I said earlier, it's probably one of the most healthiest things you can do. Just do it on the street where you belong. If you're riding your bike, don't go so far that you need to take a train to get back home. Go halfway to whatever destination that you are heading in and when or if you get there, turn around and ride back you lazy stupid fuck.
When I see them and baby carriages on the train I go the entire fucking other way. That's the truth. Because two things I don't want to find myself twisted up in when the end comes: 1) mangled with a damn bike, or 2) mangled with a baby carriage. And I hate baby carriages for the same reasons. When I see some woman trying to work a baby carriage down the stair of the subway I don't help her because I don't want the fucking contraption on the train. I just walk right by her, and I'm absolutely certain that she's cursing me behind my back, but she can go straight to Hell for all I care. Fuck her and her baby carriage that she'll come shoving into a crowded train because she believes she has a right simply because she has a baby in it.
But I'm not ranting on women and baby carriages today because as I vent and if when I do my venting takes me towards the female gender, my female readers think I'm cranking against women as if I have something against women all of a sudden. Yeah, that's right, I got email about my other post when I talked about women being afraid of men. I got some flack, but that's just the way things go with me. If I'm not telling things like I see them and being honest about it, what the fuck am I writing this blog for? To win popularity contests?
Like I said one too many times: I don't have to be agreed with, I'm just pointing out something that I'm certain many read and say, “Well yeah, but...” I'm not being crude, just correct. And sometimes that is hard to digest, like bike riders and women with baby carriages on the subway might also contest, but there are just as many if not more people that have had to deal with them and they say, “Damn straight!” And just because I strayed to women with carriages does not mean I hate women.
Well, that's it. I said my piece, and maybe I've gone too long on such things but what else am I going to do up in this? I shout into cyberspace and get echoes of my own voice back. Those of you that subscribe to me, I know you are out there, and I haven't been regular with my posts, but what can I say? I don't hate as much as I used to.
Except for bikes and carriages on the subway.
Maybe the drugs are really working.